


the terrible trap of typos

by simplyclockwork



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Crack, Emoticons, John is confused, Johnlock - Freeform, M/M, RIP Sherlock's phone, Sexting, Sherlock attempts to flirt, Texting, everyone is confused, he sucks at it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:35:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26395024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simplyclockwork/pseuds/simplyclockwork
Summary: Here lies John’s libido, murdered by Sherlock’s deplorable texting skills.
Relationships: Sherlock Holmes & John Watson, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson
Comments: 46
Kudos: 142





	the terrible trap of typos

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AnneCumberbatch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnneCumberbatch/gifts), [OmalleyMeetsTibbs](https://archiveofourown.org/users/OmalleyMeetsTibbs/gifts).



> You can blame AnneCumberbatch and OmalleyMeetsTibbs for encouraging this. Inspired by how sometimes when I try to type :) I miss the symbol button on my phone and type _sh._
> 
> Maybe Sherlock was just trying to text a smile the whole time.

It’s not Sherlock’s fault that his brain runs faster than his fingers. The first time he tries to add a :) emoticon to a text message, he misses the symbol key and writes _sh_ instead. The message is sent before he realizes. Luckily, the receiver brushes it off as Sherlock signing his name (in lowercase, really?), and they both move on.

But then it happens again. And again. Sherlock still refuses to slow down, and then it happens when he texts his brother, and suddenly he has to sign every text message with _SH_ just to save face. It’s that, or have Mycroft lord it over him for the next twenty years, and Sherlock thinks he would rather swallow a mouthful of raging hornets than let _that_ happen.

So the typo becomes the habit becomes the norm, and Sherlock signs every text with _SH._ For some reason, everyone seems to accept it as just another quirk that makes up Sherlock Holmes. It’s a little demeaning, but it’s still better than admitting he can’t text well enough to make a simple smile emoticon. 

Then comes John Watson, who is the first one to call out Sherlock’s ‘weird habit.’ 

> **Sherlock Holmes:** _Meet me at NSY. 5 pm sharp. SH_
> 
> **John Watson:** _Why do you always sign your texts? I know it’s you, Sherlock. Phones have these convenient things called address books, in case you didn’t know._
> 
> **Sherlock Holmes:** _Definitely not because I can’t type. 5 pm, John. Sharp. SH_
> 
> **John Watson:** _Yeah, yeah, I’ll be there. Wanker._

Then comes kissing, and their first time, and with _that_ comes sexting with John Watson. And Sherlock hits a snag in his facade. 

> **John Watson:** _I can’t wait til tonight. I’ve got a surprise for you ;)_
> 
> **Sherlock Holmes:** _You know how I feel about surprises, John. Why don’t you just tell me? SH_
> 
> **John Watson:** _Mm, so sexy when my boyfriend signs his name, ooh, really gets me going. And no, it’s not a surprise if I tell. Just know I can’t wait to get my mouth on you ;)_

Glaring at his mobile, Sherlock narrows his eyes. He can do this. Maybe a smile emoticon is beyond him, but the winking face can’t be unattainable.

> **Sherlock Holmes:** _dh_

Bollocks.

> **John Watson:** _What? Is that some kind of code or did you misspell your own signature?_
> 
> **Sherlock Holmes:** _dh_

Bollocks! Damn sodding phone! 

> **John Watson:** _DH? Dickhead? Are you calling me a dickhead? Dick… hard?_ _I sure hope your dick is hard, but maybe it could wait until we’re in the same room and one of us isn’t on the bloody Tube._
> 
> _**John Watson:** It’s me. I’m on the Tube. _
> 
> **Sherlock Holmes:** _No, John. Not DH, dh!! SH_
> 
> **John Watson:** _I am confused… and possibly aroused. Not sure which. No, wait. Definitely confused._
> 
> **Sherlock Holmes:** _dh dh dh dh dh dh_

Now, this is just insulting. The phone clearly has it out for him.

> **John Watson:** _Are you having a stroke?_

Maybe Sherlock should attempt something else, something he hasn’t tried before. Perhaps the penis-shaped emoticon. The one that goes 8===D. Seems attainable. He is a genius, after all.

> **Sherlock Holmes:** _ipppppp:_

No, that’s not right. Blast.

> **John Watson:** _I’m lost. Are you having a stroke? Should I call 999?_
> 
> **Sherlock Holmes:** _i000000D_

Also not right. Bugger. 

> **John Watson:** _Oh god, are you on drugs? You OD’d???? Sherlock??_

Staring down at his phone screen, Sherlock entertains the idea of shattering it against the wall. Instead, he grits his teeth and tries to be smooth.

> **Sherlock Holmes:** _I overdosed on your cock, Captain. dh_
> 
> **John Watson:** _WTF?_

Sherlock grimaces. 

> **Sherlock Holmes:** _Not good?_
> 
> **John Watson:** _I’m glad you’re not dead, but the mood sure is._

No! Unacceptable! Sherlock refuses to be beaten by a hunk of plastic and wires. He can do this, he can, he will, he _must._

> **Sherlock Holmes:** _dh ipppp:_

Sherlock’s phone strikes the wall and clatters against the floor. 


End file.
